i need an iv and a liver transplant
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
