I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
