we're chasing vodka with high fives
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
