I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
