Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize