p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
