She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
