so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Boobs are out for the taking
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
