I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
