At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
