I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
