The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
