My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
