Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
