My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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