Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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