I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
