can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
