the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
