i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
