So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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