oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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