Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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