My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize