Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
