So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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