I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
