nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
