I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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