My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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