I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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