do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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