Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
