They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
