Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
