he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
