My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
