I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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