They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
