dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
