I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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