saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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