Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
