Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
