the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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