It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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