i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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