these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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