Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
