So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
