How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
