Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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