so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
