It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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