It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
