Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
