girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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