my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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