Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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