This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
