I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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