Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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