Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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