Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
